Writer Forum

Welcome to the Chillifreeze Writers forum! This forum is for Indian writers, new or seasoned, published or yet to be published, or those who just want to learn more about writing, freelancing, and editing.

This is a meeting place for writers to connect, discuss writing related issues and share ideas.

After you register at CF, you will be able to post comments, start a new discussion, reply to existing comments on the Chillifreeze forums. If you have not yet registered at Chillifreeze, please click here to sign up.

Have fun connecting with fellow writers!

Forums

Forum Home

Copyrater

The Chillifreeze Editing Challenge

The CF Editing ...

Re: The CF Editing Challenge-1-Part 1

12/6/2007 8:58:51 PM

Chillimentor

25 posts

Re: The CF Editing Challenge-1-Part 1

Suggestions: Your editing is good. The only suggestion I have is to reread the content two or three times after editing it to make sure the flow is smoother.

natdas wrote

Part 1

The general public awareness of dental health has increased nowadays. People now believe in the preventive rather than the curative aspect of dental health. Successful dental care involves a highly personalized health service that is different for each patient. It is natural for patients to ask – How can I choose the right dentist who can assure me that the quality of service will be satisfactory?

There are no sure-fire ways to choose the right dentist. In the next few lines, there are pointers that can help you make an intelligent choice.

Chillimentor Rating: 3/5

Chillimentor Comments: This is pretty good editing. No new content was added to the existing paragraph. of the content provided. The only problem I saw was the flow. For instance sentences like "How can I choose the right dentist who can assure me that the quality of service will be satisfactory?" do not read very well.

12/6/2007 9:06:03 PM

Chillimentor

25 posts

Chillimentor rating Re: The CF Editing Challenge-1

Chillimentor rating: 3.5

Comments: This is very good editing. For the most part, the English is good and there are no errors. There are very small glitches, some of which I have highlighted.

Suggestions: You have potential to be a great editor. All you need is a certain degree of honing.

lats_16 wrote

Part 1:

Now that general dental health awareness has increased, people have started looking at preventive, rather than the curative aspects of dental health. A highly customized dental health care is the need of the day. Success in the area of dental health can be achieved by providing personalized service and by treating each patient as unique. Patients have the right to good quality service . For this, they must be equipped with information regarding dental health care organizations, dentists, costs involved, etc. Although there are no assured ways of choosing the right dental care-giver, the following pointers can help patients make an intelligent choice.

Part 2:

E-learning is the gift of the World Wide Web, which has emerged as a major resource for teaching

and learning. But, the outsourcing of E-learning is also a cause for concern, in the absence of

stabilized structural content, catering to the needs of users. Providing a whole lot of informative

material alone, will not ensure the desired outcome. To achieve this, it is necessary to

develop an instructional design, which would focus on the desired objectives. Such a design

would also afford a sense of control to the people involved in the overall development of the

instruction. Instructional designing can also serve as a project management tool for people of

various streams, involved in the instruction. It is therefore imperative that instructional

designing be outsourced, rather than outsourcing E-learning. [Chillimentor: Does the original content actually suggest this?]

Part 3:

The Rath Yatra of Puri commences with the deities of the temple, being installed in their respective chariots, to the accompaniment of drums. Devotees sway rhythmically to the chanting of prayers during the procession. Once the deities are installed, the King of Puri sweeps the chariots with a golden broom. The Rath is then pulled by thousands of devotees, till the Gundicha temple. The sight is a real treat for the eyes and the highlight of the visit to Puri.

Part 4

Globalization has led us into an erstwhile unthinkable era, where a buyer is exposed to a promising set of suppliers. The barriers of the bygone eras like geographical reach, language etc., no longer exist. Fierce rivalry is forcing businesses to adopt optimum processes for effective resource utilization, which has led to the phenomenon of outsourcing. Firms are striving to achieve this, by concentrating entirely on their core activity and outsourcing all other supplementary activities.

12/6/2007 9:13:09 PM

Chillimentor

25 posts

Re: The CF Editing Challenge-1

Chillimentor rating: 2.5/3

Comments: I would call this average editing. Some of the original errors have not been taken care of.

In Part 2, the editor has changed third person to first person. This might be ok while writing travel articles but when editing serious content of this kind, one needs to think twice before making such changes. Part 4 was done pretty nicely. I have highlighted a few problem areas.

Suggestions: You seem to be better with business content editing. As for other content, if you are going to rewrite entire sentences, make sure you do not modify the message too much. Taking a few courses in writing and editing might help a lot.

Mariam wrote

Part 1:

General dental health awareness has increased. People now believe in the preventive rather than the curative aspect of dental health. Today, successful dental care is a highly personalized health service, which differs from one patient to another. It is natural for patients to ask- “How do I choose a dentist who can assure me of the right quality of service?”

There are no sure fire ways to choose the right dentist. In the next few lines are pointers that can help you make an intelligent choice.

Part 2:

The outsourcing of E-learning which got its subsistence from the time the World Wide Web emerged as a resource for teaching and learning is a concern. Merely providing a huge amount of informative material does not automatically ensure the desired outcome. In order to develop E- learning content, that is in sync with the needs of its users, we require a system that gives it a stabilized structure.

Thus we move to “instructional designing” which focuses on the objectives of according a sense of control to the people who are involved in the overall development of instruction. Learning “Instructional designing” is a project management tool for people of various streams involved in the development of E-learning content. At this point we become aware that outsourcing of instructional design is a bigger concern than the outsourcing of E-learning which is a solution for learning.

Part 3:

The real treat of your stay in Puri is to witness the commencement of the procession which begins with the deities being taken out from the temple and then installed in their respective chariots. This ritual is accompanied by rhythmic movements, beating of drums and chanting of prayers by devotees. Once the installation of the deities is complete the King of Puri sweeps the chariot with a golden broom and only then is the Rath, pulled by thousands of devotees and taken to the Gundicha Temple.

Part 4

Globalization has led us into an unprecedented era where a buyer is exposed to a promising set of suppliers. Barriers like geographical reach, language, etc are now pre-historic. Compelled by fierce rivalry businesses are opting for increasingly optimum processes that enable effective resource utilization. They are striving towards achieving that ideal, by concentrating entirely on their core activity and outsourcing all supplementary ones. This has resulted in the phenomenon of outsourcing.

12/6/2007 9:23:48 PM

Chillimentor

25 posts

Re: The CF Editing Challenge-1

Chillimentor rating: 4/5 for paras 2 and 3. 3/5 for paras 1 and 4

Comments: Why is there a disparity between the ratings? Because you have done an excellent job with 2 and 4. We would love to have an editor like you on board- someone who can take bad copy and change it into interesting and concise material.

Coming to parts 1 and 4, part 4 is OK. But things like "Firms today concentrate on their core activity and outsource all supplementary activities." made me rate it 3. The reason is that one cannot make such generalizations while editing. Does every firm outsource? The para has been rewritten but has lost some of its earlier depth if you see what I mean.

As for part 1, the intro is great. But the two highlighted lines made me rate the para 3/5 instead of 3.5 on 5.

Suggestions: Here is an invitation to edit for us. Do write to us with a link to this post so we keep our promise:)

V Padmini wrote

Part 1:

Your mom was forever on your case to brush and floss your teeth twice a day. Today, you probably needn’t. With a world of information just a few keystrokes away, awareness of general dental health has increased. People now believe in the preventive rather than the curative aspect of dental health.

Successful dental care will involve highly personalized health service, tailored for the needs of each individual patient. It is natural for you to ask ‘How do I choose the right dentist?’ and ‘Will this dentist give me the quality of service I deserve?’

There are no sure-fire ways to choose the right dentist. However there are pointers in the next few lines that can help you make an informed choice.

Part 2:

The World Wide Web, an almost infinite resource for information, teaching and learning, gave birth to e-learning. In time, it also enabled outsourcing of e-learning. But merely providing vast amounts of information is not enough; for a desired outcome, e-learning content needs to be structured into a stable system.

This is where instructional design comes in. Instructional design organizes information, keeps the focus firmly on the objectives of the e-learning material and gives control of the project to the instructors. Instructional design is a useful project management tool for instructors in various streams.

It therefore stands to reason that outsourcing instructional design will probably be of greater benefit to e-learning, rather than outsourcing e-learning itself.

Part 3:

The deities are reverently taken out of the temple and installed in their respective chariots, with devotees beating drums, chanting prayers, and dancing all along. The King of Puri sweeps the chariot (‘rath’) with a golden broom to signify the commencement of the procession. The rath is pulled all the way to the Gundicha temple by thousands of enthusiastic devotees. The rath yatra will be the high point of your stay at Puri.

Part 4:

Globalization has an unexpected bonus; for every buyer there are multiple suppliers from all over the world. Differences such as geography and language are no longer barriers to trade. Fierce rivalry between businesses is forcing optimal resource utilization, resulting in outsourcing. Firms today concentrate on their core activity and outsource all supplementary activities.

12/6/2007 9:29:47 PM

Chillimentor

25 posts

Re: The CF Editing Challenge-1

Chillimentor rating: 2/5

Comments: Would call this average editing. Not too much value has been added to the paras and they don't read too much better than earlier. There are parts where the English is not entirely global. Some lines are a tad too simplistic.

Suggestions: The key to editing is to make the writing more global and easy to read. A course in writing and editing will definitely help.

Bhagyalakshmi wrote

Part 1:

Dental awareness has increased. Today, people look more at the preventive, than at the curative aspect of dental health. Dispensing dental care has become a highly personalized service, because dental concerns differ from one patient to another. It is natural for a patient to ask -“How do I choose the right dentist? How can I be assured of a high quality of service from the dentist?” There is no sure fire or foolproof method of choosing the right dentist. However, the next few lines will give you some tips that will help you make an intelligent choice.

Part 2:

Ever since the World Wide Web has emerged as a tool for teaching and learning, outsourcing of e-learning has become a major concern. E-learning content has to be in tune with the needs of its users. Merely providing a huge mass if information will not ensure this. The information has to expressly address the specific needs of the user. This is where instructional designing assumes significance. Instructional designing is an effective project management tool for those involved in the overall development of instruction and learning. It enables them to focus on the objectives and provides a system that will give content development a stable structure. This leads to the realisation that outsourcing instructional designing is more crucial than outsourcing E-learning.

Part 3:

The proceedings commence with the deities being brought out of the temple, and being installed in the chariot, to the accompaniment of rhythmic movements, drum beats, and the chanting of prayers by the devotees. The King of Puri then sweeps the chariot with a gold broom. It is only after this, that the rath moves and is taken to the Gundicha Temple. The spectacle of thousands of devotees pulling the rath, is truly the high point of your visit to Puri.

Part 4:

Globalisation has brought us into an era, where the buyer is exposed to an efficient set of suppliers. This is an era, which was neither thought of nor sought out. An era in which, barriers like geographical reach and language do not exist any longer. Fierce competition between firms is compelling them to adopt optimum processes for effective resource utilisation, and this has led to the emergence of outsourcing. Firms now concentrate on their core activity and outsource all supplementary activities as this enables them to utilize their resources more effectively.